Faith, Hope, and Love
by SGS
Summary: I would have done anything to have her back. Cast my soul into the very underworld if need be, just to see my wife smile and hear my baby laugh.


Faith, Hope, and Love  
  
By: SGS  
  
For my grandmother and every other parent who's ever had to bury a child.  
  
Gone.  
  
That's what it was; empty, disappeared, no more. Love could not survive death. These thoughts racing through my head as I struggled to deal with it. To come to terms with what had happened.  
  
Because you're sweet and lovely girl I love you...  
  
Love had been shattered into a million peaces and broken in so many ways. All that remained were memories and...and her. My baby. She knew not of what had been lost, and how it would affect me. An innocent child knows nothing of death.  
  
Because you're sweet and lovely girl it's true...  
  
She was my grace, and I cried for her, for the first time in my life I cried. My child, my baby angel. What would she see? What would she see if she looked upon her father now? How could she know? Would she cry too? No, she was stronger than that. So small, only four years old. So young, so helpless. How could she know?  
  
Darkness, where was this darkness coming from?  
  
All around me was darkness. Darkness so black and thick no light could pierce it. My child was trapped somewhere deep in this black void, but where? I had to find her...for my sake...for Relena's sake. I had to find my baby, my saving grace. But where was she? How could I find her in this bottomless void?  
  
Could I call her? Could I shout her name to the heavens and somehow, by some divine power she would be delivered to me? Where was my child? I wondered aimlessly in the emptiness, uttering not a word but still searching, searching for my child.  
  
My wife lay huddled in her bed, her small frame clinched in some unfelt agony caused by the memories of her baby. For she was hers as well. All the thing I had taken for granted, bedtime stories, pony rides, ice cream cones, all shared with my angel. I would have done anything to have her back. Cast my soul into the very underworld if need be, just to see my wife smile and hear my baby laugh.  
  
I love you more than ever girl I do...  
  
Tears. They fall rapidly down from my eyes. Thousands of them, millions. Tears are liquid secreted from your tear ducts when you are emotionally mover or upset. To say it like that, with not but logic it sounds stupid. Tears are so much more. They are a person's way of showing so much; more things can be said with a single tear than with a million words. And I had a million tears; a million I love you's, a million words. I was blinded by my tears and my grief, I wanted my baby, need her.  
  
I want you in the morning girl I love you...  
  
None was left. No faith, no love, no hope. Nothing would ever be the same, nothing would ever be right. How could she have been taken like this? In such a cruel and merciless way? In so much pain, anguish, and...and love? My baby...my little angel. I wonder around my house, dazed and defenseless. I eat, sleep, and breath so slowly the hours pass like years. How can I escape? I cannot run from this pain.  
  
I want you at the moment I feel blue...  
  
That night, the time when the darkness became even darker I found myself in her room. Pink, with dolls and books and all the things a little girl needs. My wife is there sitting in a daze, trapped as though in a strange trance. Never moving, never stirring.  
  
"Heero." She voice rings out cold and clear. "Was it my fault, Heero?" I say nothing but turn to face her, a small, pale pink blanket held close to her breast.  
  
"No." I answer. I fall to my knees next to her and wrap my arms around her, we pour all our sadness, hate, and sorrow into that small pink blanket. We sob together our tear mingle into a single river of sorrow. But what could we do, we could cry, and morn, and so much more but none of it would bring our baby back.  
  
I'm living every moment girl for you...  
  
The next day we go to a church, I have only entered it once before, on the day we lay her to rest. The last day I ever saw my baby. Sitting together, dazed, in the last pew. We pray. The whole time we pray. But still we feel empty; while our thoughts are in heaven with our baby and her maker our souls are here, still wondering. Though we sit still our souls still wonder.  
  
When the service is over we leave together, and together we clime the small hill in the tiny churchyard. There set aside from all the other graves is a very small one. I little statue of a small angel girl with her face turned to heaven stands there. A name is engraved on the small base of the statue. Her name. It is the first time we have visited this spot since the day we laid her to her eternal sleep. There is grass here now and a single, white snowdrop flower blooms at the foot of the marker.  
  
I've loved you from the moment I saw you...  
  
Relena kneels next to the grave and slowly pulls the tall grass and weeds from around the snowdrop. Such a simple action, but so full of love and tenderness. She looks up at me, tears falling silently from her face. I kneel next to her, and pull her into my embrace. No words have to be said; we both know what the other is thinking. And we both know there is nothing to be done, our baby was gone and there was nothing we could do. As much as we cried, and as much as we prayed we could do nothing.  
  
You looked at me that's all you had to do...  
  
That night I tossed and turned in my bed, my wife lying next to me. Her body racked with unheard sobs. I wanted to hold her, to dry her tears and let her spend one night in peace. But I cannot, for I still have my own demons to deal with, my own battles to win. I have to live with fear and doubt, live with knowing she's gone forever. I know Relena still blames herself, but it's not its mine.  
  
I feel it now I hope you feel it too...  
  
If lay there and I find myself praying to God. I find myself asking him why he took such a young and innocent life. And suddenly I know. I can't say what I know or how, but I can say I know things will be better. When we say good-bye we don't mean forever. My baby may be gone, but she will always live in my heart. I turn to my wife and lay a hand on her solder.  
  
"Relena." I whisper. "It'll be alright, angel." I pull her close and calm her tears.  
  
I have beaten the first demon. Now I will face all the others. With faith, hope, and love.  
  
I love you more than ever girl I do.  
  
I really love you... 


End file.
